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  1. #1

    Special Report from the field: CCNC Stream

    CCNC AND THE FIGHT TO CURE DOTA CANCER
    By Trashcanmagic 4:20 P.M.



    CCNC is fighting every day to fight the cancer that is NADotA. Little does he realize that HE is the cancer.
    PHOTOGRAPH BY SEBASTIO SALGADO (probably)

    In a dark, low viewer corner of Twitch, CCNC, an eighteen-year-old streamer fed repeatedly to low skill players. CCNC, which stands for Cool, Calm aNd Collected, was riding a wave of anti-NADotA sentiment and listening to truly entry level music which he has carefully cultivated from his Dad’s cd collection. His goal today – as it often is – was to publically display his savior complex and highly refined feeding skills in front of a massive audience of approximately (exactly) 326 people, of whom probably only some were bots. Speaking around 4 p.m. when he should have been in class, employment or some otherwise productive endeavor, CCNC was conversing with a foreign teammate who was doing considerably better than he was. “You are a cancerous person and no one in NA likes you.” His counterpart (rightly) retorts that CCNC is monolingual and not very smart.


    "The lady doth protest too much, methinks" - Queen Gertrude, Hamlet

    CCNC, who is from somewhere, is part of a diminishing population of players of the game Defense of the Ancients. The literal first piece of information he offers in his bio is a statement that he is not gay. This is due to his looking like someone glued two caterpillars to Milo Yiannopoulos’ face, and his tendency to be accosted on the street by angry liberals who often take repeated assurances that he is in fact not Milo Yiannopoulos to move on. “People sometimes tell me they think it odd I draw so much attention to not being gay, and that maybe I should be more honest with myself, but those people are just cancer.” He soon changes the subject of the conversation to being high MMR at “DotA” and how this gives him the authority to make sweeping generalizations about other human beings.

    Despite his rating, things rarely go well for CCNC in-game. Just recently, CCNC queued on “US East”, a region of the world largely known for having zero players from the Eastern regions of the United States. What began innocuously enough with CCNC’s mumbling, croaking vocal fry singing along to a Disney song quickly escalated into a stomp of epic proportions. After missing several easy last hits with Shadow Fiend against an uninterested Templar Assassin, CCNC realized that his pre-game declaration that his team would lose was panning out. Here, when faced with a difficult choice to play correctly or die several times in situations because he expected counterganks that he audibly acknowledged would not materialize, he courageously chose to die repeatedly. Teammates confirmed that he had in fact said on his mic that he would die if he played a specific way and then after some delay and opportunity to change his mind, he proceeded to execute his strategy of feeding the enemy cores.

    Later, when recounting the game several whole minutes later, he conveniently leaves this fact out while complaining about his Omniknight player. When asked why he wasn’t satisfied with yellow's answer of “I knew it wouldn’t work, so I chose to do something constructive to the game state instead”, CCNC seemed perplexed. “This game was Omniknight’s fault. Getting walk-up killed 9 times because I wasn’t playing correctly isn’t my fault. Like are you seriouuusssss?” Such exchanges are common from CCNC, friends and relatives say. So called “meme-talking” frequently substitutes for communication between CCNC and his imaginary friends, who refers to as “viewers” and “retards”.

    On a cold day in April, CCNC sadly proclaims “Every game I play has a feeder or someone who has given up on life.” One wonders if he will ever realize that he is the only common denominator in these games



    Artist rendering of "Professional DotA Player" CCNC

    CCNC could not be reached for comment for this article, mostly because the author didn’t bother to ask and instead substituted the answers most likely to be given by CCNC, because honestly would you talk to him? Fuck.
    Last edited by trashcanmagic; April 19th, 2017 at 05:11 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Alightsoul View Post
    My place, no clothes, no safeword
    Quote Originally Posted by @Arteezy
    @EternaLEnVy1991 GREAT USE OF THE ITEM `BLACK KING BAR`

  2. #2
    Wicked Sick Sammyboy's Avatar
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    this is some high level content.

  3. #3
    not sure if ccnc is even worth writing all this for

  4. #4
    I love Love LOVE NADOTA!! Haxity's Avatar
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    how much is my (((spitawad))) paying you to write this high tier content? :sunbhiethinkingface:

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Haxity View Post
    how much is my (((spitawad))) paying you to write this high tier content? :sunbhiethinkingface:
    Quote Originally Posted by Alightsoul View Post
    My place, no clothes, no safeword
    Quote Originally Posted by @Arteezy
    @EternaLEnVy1991 GREAT USE OF THE ITEM `BLACK KING BAR`

  6. #6
    good read

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Haxity View Post
    how much is my (((spitawad))) paying you to write this high tier content? :sunbhiethinkingface:
    while wer eon the topic of sunbhiethinkingface and paying people how has my sunbhie nto paid u for sunbhiethinkingface yet???? beehive2???

  8. #8
    Wicked Sick dmx's Avatar
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    my day has been made

    my suicide is delayed

  9. #9
    I love Love LOVE NADOTA!! Haxity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quality Poster View Post
    while wer eon the topic of sunbhiethinkingface and paying people how has my sunbhie nto paid u for sunbhiethinkingface yet???? beehive2???
    he said i could add him on steam and we could do training and he would be willing to play party games as per the deal but i have not taken him up on these offers because i believe i am incapable of playing dota at a high level anymore. too lowskill bigbrained.

  10. #10
    M-M-M-Monster Kill
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    i read a few words from that

  11. #11
    Godlike Mimic's Avatar
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    I was that omniknight

  12. #12
    Beyond Grantlike Alightsoul's Avatar
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    bump

  13. #13
    Holy Shit Kksweet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sammyboy View Post
    this is some high level content.

  14. #14
    omae wa mou shindeiru Lucky Artist's Avatar
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    Yo kksweet u in Paris or another part of France
    Quote Originally Posted by Haxity View Post
    i dont really know me either, does anyone ever truly know themselves?
    #philosophyPHD

  15. #15
    Beyond Grantlike fournsix's Avatar
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    I hate to say it, but Theneedledrop is too old to understand, Carti really is for the youth and just makes fun music, his likable persona is what attracts people. His sauce just oozes on every song, he makes anything sound hard.
    Top 5 Anime (In Chronological Order)
    🌕 Neon Genesis Evangelion (1995)
    😡 Berserk (1997)
    🙏 Kyousougiga (2013)
    😵 Shinsekai Yori (2013)
    😂 Shouwa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu (2016)

    Contenders for a 5th slot if finished: Jojo, Monogatari, Bungou Stray Dogs, Tokyo Ghoul.

  16. #16
    Godlike a2pas's Avatar
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    cool calm and closeted
    Quote Originally Posted by yung_nigga_sigma View Post
    No, I moved states in both cases when I found out they were pregnant. I don't have a Facebook and never tell people my last name so it's hard to track me down

  17. #17
    I love Love LOVE NADOTA!! Haxity's Avatar
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    CACA CACA N CACA

  18. #18
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3lfpfIRLRc
    this video reminds me of ccnc

  19. #19
    Wicked Sick dmx's Avatar
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    the shy
    cuck cuck n cuck

  20. #20
    I love Love LOVE NADOTA!! Haxity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amercchi View Post
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3lfpfIRLRc
    this video reminds me of ccnc
    the resemblance is uncanny

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